There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
