Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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