I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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