the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
