i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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