its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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