U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
