I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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