I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
