Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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