Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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