Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
