party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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