theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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