he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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