I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
