I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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