Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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