so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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