Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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