thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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