im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
