He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
