Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
