Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There r osticjed everywhere
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
