I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
