It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
