Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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