Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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