I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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