Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
