Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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