Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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