another moral hangover. fuck.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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