Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
