She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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