She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
