Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
