It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
