3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
