2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
...so i touched it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
