some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
