Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
