I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
