I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
