I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
