Ambien. No doubt about it.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
