Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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