does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
