i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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