You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
