Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
