$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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