I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
you never un-have a 4some
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
