i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
