You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
