seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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